Holy Wars: The Republican Presidential Primary Campaign

Image of Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry and Mitt Romney

The Republican's Holy Trinity of Presidential Candidates in 2012

It has been quite a while since my last entry on this blog. While it has been a busy past few months, hampered by my laptop taking the plunge, I am “happy” to be back. You see, I may be masochistic or a glutton for punishment, but nothing inspires me to write more than the never-ending circus sideshow that is American politics.

It is 2011 and Republicans have renewed their perpetual Holy War to capture the throne of America.

Don’t worry, ladies and gentlemen. I am happy to report that yet again, nothing has changed. The most evident sign of American campaign politics staying the course is this weekend’s Republican Presidential Primary Campaign launched by virtue of the Iowa Straw Poll, and more importantly, by the grace of God Almighty Himself.

Like comic book superhero movies, this edition features a cast of characters virtually impossible to distinguish from past installments. We have:

  • An Evangelical Christian who is Governor of Texas, meaning that he must therefore love Jesus, sports, sentencing people to death, and hot dogs.
  • A female candidate from a cold-weather state who runs on a platform of family values and overt religiousness, and discernibly nothing else.
  • A Mormon from Massachusetts — the same guy from last time – who, despite success as a moderate governor continues to refute his own track record in pursuit of a more radical form of neo-conservatism.

Oh, and we have crazy old Ron Paul.

My History of Losing Faith in Democracy

As a voter and so-called participant in American “democracy” (I use that term lightly), I have been served sobering results in presidential campaigns time and time again. My losing track record at the voting booth has driven my faith in American politics and the idea of active participation in democracy into oblivion. Moreover, I am always amused when candidates beckon the voting public to put their trust and hopes onto their shoulders so they may mount the mythical winged white horse and ascend to divine status as Lord and Savior of the United States of America.

So without further ado…

Image of Evangelical Christian congregation

Rather than thank Obama, attendees at the Perry rally rejoice in Republican prayer: "Hallelujah to God, His Son, and Rick Perry. May the pockets of the wealthy continue to fatten and may the meek never inherit the world. Amen!!"

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Satanic Witchcraft vs. Marxism: Elections 2010

Delaware Senate race to showcase epic battle between good and evil

In case you haven’t noticed, the never-ending cycle of campaign politics is rearing its ugly head yet again in our beloved United States of America.  Much like the previous decade of dualistic political struggle, it is another exercise in snake oil sales and soothsaying—a tired act that only masks the candidates’ true intentions as they jockey for position to wrap their bloated sausage fingers around the withering teat of our nation’s cash flow.  A flow, mind you, comprised of hundreds of billions of dollars in payday loans from our friends in communist China.

The race for one of Delaware’s seats in the U.S. Senate promises to offer a close-up look at the universal struggle between Good and Evil, or Republicans (or a Tea Partier who is really a Republican in disguise) vs. Democrats.  However, the roles are completely redefined in this latest clash, where the Great Satan is now manifest in a Republican form, but faces an evil even greater than Lucifer himself—a Marxist.

Photo of Satan and Karl Marx

Satan (left) and Karl Marx (right) square off in a battle of who is the greater evil. According to Fox News reports, Marx and his proponents have just taken over the universe's No. 1 rank of Supreme Being of Evil from Satan.

Before we get to the Main Event, let’s take a look at the Tale of the Tape. Continue reading