The Name Game: Creativity in Naming Children Gone Awry

Small town white populations are overtaking urban black communities’ long-running dominance in creating ridiculous names–and spellings–for their children

In grade school spelling tests, it used to be that even the most underdeveloped children were sure to get at least one answer right: their name.  Now that the new wave of millennium babies have risen to the ranks of schoolchildren, their mothers and fathers have placed that trusted notion in serious jeopardy.

Photo of a moran

Even this guy thinks some parents are "morans" for giving their children odd names.

Parents, in a blatant self-aggrandizing fury, have radicalized the way Americans name their offspring.  They seem to have deserted tradition altogether, scoffing at tried-and-true names found in centuries of literary richness and even Biblical reference, and are opting to hatch titles for their little ones that are better fit for science fiction or strip club nomenclature.

Growing up, many of us might remember the old joke about how people in China name their babies by throwing a fork down the stairs and using the phonetic clanging sounds to string a name together (e.g., Ching Chang Chong, etc).  Maybe a funny thing to laugh off as you wait in line for school lunch in 4th grade, but I assume that it still rattles the funny bones of the same parents who “creatively” name the unripened fruit of their loins.  Little do they know, the joke’s on them.

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Better Workouts for a Better Environment at The Greenasium

New “green” fitness studio offers innovative, eco-friendly approach for a healthy lifestyle

Photo of Greenasium sign

When we think of going to the gym, many of us immediately conjure up images dodging through massive strip mall parking lots filled with Hummers and holiday shoppers, and flocking toward the luminescent glow of the Gold’s Gym, Bally’s, or L.A. Fitness sign looming in the distance.  After conquering the gauntlet outside, you enter through a set of double doors and scan your barcode as if you were entering the cold confines of CIA headquarters.  The impersonal touch of corporate America weighs heavily upon your shoulders—and your conscience—before you even break a sweat.  From here, it only gets worse.

Having gained access to the building, you wander through a labyrinth of exercise bikes, treadmills and elliptical machines—all of which are occupied by men and women trying to forget about their current task at hand.  Even they don’t want to be here.  Instead, they divert their attention to a bevy of illuminated television screens suspended from above in an effort to seek inspiration from the likes of “Cops,” CNN, FOX and Maury Povich to fuel their workouts.  With each stride and step, the exerciser mindlessly soaks in the numbing rays from the TV and subconsciously begins the countdown to the next Big Mac.

Don’t forget about maneuvering through the packs of the window-workout crowd.  You know—the people that pay $50 a month to meet friends at the gym and talk about how much they hate their co-workers and recommend reputable plastic surgeons to perform the ever-routine nip and tuck.  Hearing about the difficult lives of this next crop of wannabe insecure actresses may result in a particularly productive kickboxing class, but ultimately shaves months—if not years—off the lives of those of us who are aware that this world does, in fact, revolve around the sun.

If you haven’t turned around and headed for the exit by now, you have passed the first obstacle to staying fit in today’s modern world.  You wish there was an easier way.  While you entertain the thought of giving up and embracing a life of obesity, you press forward in search of a better way to build a healthy lifestyle.

What we want is a simple, straightforward approach to counteract the fat-enhancing effects of sitting in an office for 50 hours a week—coupled with our penchant for carne asada burritos—and burn off our excess calories at a place that is clean, convenient, and a comfortable environment. The problem we encounter is that a place like this is not easy to find. Until now…

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