Artist's depiction of football's first Super Bowl Sabbath, circa 1966.
Can you feel it in the air? Are you treating your fellow citizens just a little bit nicer than usual? Do you have visions of sugar plums, nachos, seven-layer dip, and atomic chicken wings dancing in your head? Rhetorical questions aside, America’s most popular holiday is finally upon us, folks. Super Bowl Sabbath hath come and shall fill the proverbial stockings of die-hard football fanatics and casual followers alike with copious amounts of delectable cuisine, libations, opportunities to gamble, and perhaps a few minutes’ worth of good ol’ fashioned football action spread over the course of six hours.
What makes this holiday so special? There are many reasons why Super Bowl Sabbath reigns supreme, many of which are ubiquitous and some of which will be unique to Super Bowl XLV.
The United States of America has a cherished tradition of pioneering product design which has propelled our great nation to the pinnacle of global innovation. Since our country’s inception, every generation of Americans has been shaped by the ingenuity of our greatest minds in an effort live up to our manifest destiny as a beacon of light to the world. While we may have collectively ceded complete dominance over other up-and-coming manufacturing behemoths like China and India, we still lead the way in delivering products that change the world.
The Holy Trinity of American Ingenuity: Thomas Edison (left), Henry Ford (center), and Cathinka Chandler (right). Chandler earned her place among the greatest innovative minds in American history with her discovery of the Kush Support system.
How did we become so great? Our forefathers strove to solve critical problems of their time that impeded the full-fledged ability to pursue life, liberty and happiness. Throughout the centuries, we have endeavored to keep the flame of luminaries like Thomas Edison and Henry Ford burning bright to help guide us through the perilous path to prosperity. While it hasn’t always been easy, particularly in light of recent economic collapse, there is once again reason to believe that American ingenuity will lead the way yet again.
Seattle Seahaws RB Marshawn Lynch flicks off human fly and Saints CB Tracy Porter on his way to game-clinching 67 yard touchdown run. (Michael DeMocker, Times Picayune)
On Saturday, Wild Card Weekend 2011 delivered one of the most exciting days of NFL action in recent memory. A team with a losing record knocked off defending Super Bowl champions in a high-scoring shootout and the Super Bowl runner-up gave a game away at home in the final minute.
Sunday did not live up to the high standards set by it’s rival day of the week, but still served as a worthy venue for millions of Americans to bear witness to both home teams’ lackluster performances and send their supporters home with the bitter taste of defeat, having dropped several hundreds of dollars in vain to see it in person.
The outcomes of these four contests did nothing but underscore the parity and unpredictability of the NFL. It was also a powerful reminder of the omnipotent destructive power of NFL Playoff football for Saints fans, who until Saturday, were still riding the rolling whitewater of Super Bowl XLIV’s proverbial wave. The lesson learned? You will always return to shore. And sometimes, it is extremely rocky.
All of this culminated in an adrenaline fueled frenzy for the victors and the marked the beginning of an offseason surely to be littered with second guessing and hundreds of pounds of hate mail addressed to the New Orleans Saints defense by agitated fans, followers, and members of the offensive unit.
Christmas and New Year’s have come and gone, which can only mean one thing: those holidays intended for amateurs have given way to a festive season of incomparable magnitude — the NFL Playoffs. Each year, football’s second season eclipses the overrated winter holidays in raucous celebration of watching freakishly large speedy men in tight pants battle for the right to play on our nation’s most hallowed holiday, Super Bowl Sunday.
The Playoffs? Yes, Jim -- we want to talk about the Playoffs.
To the neophyte, it may seem odd that millions of crazed pigskin fanatics shun the traditions of days past, such as caroling, egg nog, and donning gay apparel in favor of masking beer bellies under oversized jerseys of their favorite player(s) (who are often years, if not decades, their junior), washing down fatty hydrogenated snacks with several gallons of watered-down light beer, and yelling obscenities at a flat inanimate object in their living rooms at the top of their lungs. In addition to sharing indifference and even disdain toward yuletide cheer, this growing legion of initiates has something else in common — an unbridled desire to cheer, eat, drink, and dream their team on to the Promised Land on the first Sunday of February.
For many, the NFL post-season has replaced the idea of embracing the American Dream which, having decades worth of soggy dust blown away in a swirling din over the past ten years, has been revealed as nothing but an eroded myth with no happy ending. For some, it is the sole beacon of enlightenment in an otherwise bleak, empty sea of foreclosure, divorce, and a vanload of a half-dozen crying children who are crushed by the banishment of McDonalds Happy Meals. But make no mistake — there is no better escape from the drudgery of the bitter cold winter than vicariously living through our agile muscular heroes of the gridiron. NFL Playoff football is indeed the drug of choice for nearly all American sports junkies.
It’s only a week away from Christmas and many are getting into the holiday spirit with a little mood music in the form of Christmas carols. While it’s rare to receive a knock at the door and be met with a host of neighborhood carolers in wintertime serenade, many holiday revelers get their Christmas music fix from traditional legends like Bing Crosby, Johnny Mathis and Mel Torme.
However, a new tradition has made an indelible mark on the yuletide season that influences all who listen to remember the reason for the season. Below is a collection of the best and worst of Christmas hits, made worse by some of rock and metal’s best and worst, for your holiday enjoyment. Also included is, without a doubt, the most awesome Christmas light display in the history of mankind.
13 Shades of Grey 