Who says Santa Claus doesn’t exist? Thank you, Arte Moreno, for your overwhelming generosity this offseason; and thank you Jerry DiPoto for being a capable GM and getting this done. Forget about Christmas…let’s get ready for Spring Training.
Wurld Sireez 2 Strt 2Moro on Fox
If you pay attention to ESPN, you may not realize that the World Series begins tomorrow night.
If you rely on the four letter network for your baseball news, you have learned more about clubhouse rituals in Boston and the alleged role video games, Popeye’s fried chicken and ice cold Bud Light played in September’s historic Red Sox collapse than you know about any St. Louis Cardinals player not named Pujols or Holliday.
If you watch Baseball Tonight, you are more apt to be enlightened on the benefits of embarking upon the John Kruk Denny’s Grand Slam breakfast diet than you are to see a highlight reel featuring an actual grand slam home run.
In fact, if you watch ESPN at all, you probably think that baseball is played only by the New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox, and less frequently by the Philadelphia Phillies and everybody’s favorite loser, the New York Mets.
Just when you think the world of sports cannot sink to a lower common denominator, Fox swoops into the rescue and provides exclusive coverage of the World Series, thereby forcing sports fans to indirectly fill the overflowing coffers of pure evil and vicariously fund News Corp’s future telephone hacking schemes.
Everything else aside, the Texas Rangers will face the St. Louis Cardinals in the 2011 World Series in a clash between two clubs that feature sizzling white-hot lineups and promise to provide plenty of home run action. Rather than waste my precious and ever-narrowing attention span writing about the action on the field, let us prepare to witness the dumbing down of America’s pastime that appears center stage each and every autumn in our great land.
During the series, we will be subjected to a host of atrocities that includes material relevant to the actual games themselves and an avalanche of tangential drivel that will spew forth from, Joe, Tim and the rest of Rupert Murdoch’s army of evil.
Holy Wars: The Republican Presidential Primary Campaign
It has been quite a while since my last entry on this blog. While it has been a busy past few months, hampered by my laptop taking the plunge, I am “happy” to be back. You see, I may be masochistic or a glutton for punishment, but nothing inspires me to write more than the never-ending circus sideshow that is American politics.
It is 2011 and Republicans have renewed their perpetual Holy War to capture the throne of America.
Don’t worry, ladies and gentlemen. I am happy to report that yet again, nothing has changed. The most evident sign of American campaign politics staying the course is this weekend’s Republican Presidential Primary Campaign launched by virtue of the Iowa Straw Poll, and more importantly, by the grace of God Almighty Himself.
Like comic book superhero movies, this edition features a cast of characters virtually impossible to distinguish from past installments. We have:
- An Evangelical Christian who is Governor of Texas, meaning that he must therefore love Jesus, sports, sentencing people to death, and hot dogs.
- A female candidate from a cold-weather state who runs on a platform of family values and overt religiousness, and discernibly nothing else.
- A Mormon from Massachusetts — the same guy from last time – who, despite success as a moderate governor continues to refute his own track record in pursuit of a more radical form of neo-conservatism.
Oh, and we have crazy old Ron Paul.
My History of Losing Faith in Democracy
As a voter and so-called participant in American “democracy” (I use that term lightly), I have been served sobering results in presidential campaigns time and time again. My losing track record at the voting booth has driven my faith in American politics and the idea of active participation in democracy into oblivion. Moreover, I am always amused when candidates beckon the voting public to put their trust and hopes onto their shoulders so they may mount the mythical winged white horse and ascend to divine status as Lord and Savior of the United States of America.
So without further ado…
Continue reading Holy Wars: The Republican Presidential Primary Campaign
Preview of Summer 2011 Blockbusters: More than You Can Stand
Can you feel the warm caress of summer in the air? It is almost May and the forlorn days of huddling underneath old quilts while burrowing your behind into the deepening crevice on the couch are all but gone. For many, May carries the promise of picnics in grassy green pastures and worshiping the sun near glistening crystal waters and white sandy beaches.
In a devilish act to deny us these simple pleasures, evil men behind the thickest of curtains endlessly plot to spoil this summer daydream. You see, each May, the Hollywood Movie Machine unleashes a wretched stench of audio visual vainglory that lures the masses from their backyard barbecue pits into cold, darkened screening rooms in every last city, town and hamlet in America. Inside, an array of animation, 3-D, computer-generated special effects, explosions, cacophony, and the familiar plastic faces of celebrity actors eagerly await to separate every man, woman and child – even those under the age of 12 – from their lazily-earned dollar.
This year, the annual ritual continues with the same regurgitated ideas and lack of originality that have overrun Tinsel Town for decades. Worse, movie-goers will never recognize the extent of the sheer crappiness because it will all be disguised in 3-D.
What Can We Expect?
Audiences will once again be treated to stories of obscure comic book superheroes who face their own inner struggles while they battle other beings possessing superpowers. We will also be entertained by shape-shifting alien robots that protect humans from themselves and other shape-shifting alien robots amidst 90 minutes of non-stop explosions and terrible Linkin Park songs. Many of these will be sequels, or even sequels of sequels. Finally, the ubiquitous computer-animated features by Disney, Pixar, and a bevy of other scam artists operating under the guise of “family entertainment” will litter theaters everywhere, simultaneously entertaining six-year-old children and popcorn-inhaling adults alike.
Continue reading Preview of Summer 2011 Blockbusters: More than You Can Stand
Earth Day 2011: Going Green in the U.S. Easier than Ever
Today, April 22nd, marks the 40th annual Earth Day. Founded in 1970 by United States Senator Gaylord Nelson, the observance day began — ironically — as an American-centric “holiday” to raise awareness of the importance of environmental conservation in the United States. Largely a day lauded by tree huggers and scorned by legions of kool-aid drinking conservatives (people who don’t believe in conserving anything), the current iteration of Earth Day serves as a poignant example of what the concept of “going green” means to everyday Americans: it is nothing more than a slick marketing term sold to the masses to make us feel better about our insatiable consumption.
What is so ironic about Earth Day and conservation in America? With less than five percent of the Earth’s population, “U.S. Americans” consume more than a quarter of the planet’s fossil fuel resources and contribute approximately 278 million tons of un-recycled waste into the environment each year. Fear not — an additional 120 million or so tons are “recycled,” so pat yourselves on the back.
For many, going green simply means disposing of empty water bottles, beer cans, Pringles containers, boxes of Pop Tarts, and an array of other cardboard boxes from so-called food items into a different collection bin that magically saves the environment while allowing people to belly up to Wal-Mart and buy more product. Saving the environment by consuming more products, in essence.
So what does this mean? In the spirit of American individualist consumerism and, even moreso, following the lead of our nation’s government and corporate entities, it means you are free to define your own meaning of “going green.”
Here are some examples of how you can become an environmentally-conscious American and “go green”:
Continue reading Earth Day 2011: Going Green in the U.S. Easier than Ever
13 Shades of Grey 